The Balance Between Overconfidence and Authentic Self-Confidence

If you were one of the 118.7 million viewers who watched Rihanna essentially take home the Super Bowl ring this year, you likely remember that at the close of her show, she donned an oversized red leather puffer that more closely resembled a draped tent. Of course, being Rihanna, she could pull off a shag carpet bodysuit with lug nut-studded Uggs.

But just ahead of fashion week, came the zany release of MSCHF's big red boot modeled after the boots that Astro Boy wore. I'm no fashion critic, but I don't think anyone but an anime Japan android-boy can pull these off.

As fashion week played out, a common theme emerged: much of style had gotten bigger, rounder, and often, puffier. Content creator Tariro Makoni dubbed this the "puffification" of fashion, astutely opining that this trend was likely a form of escapism and insulation from the chaos of the external world we're living in.

Rihanna, returning to the stage after such a long hiatus, could certainly find some refuge underneath the soft armor of a gargantuan tent. Although, a larger part of me, perhaps because of the manner in which she grabbed herself by the p🙀ssy and looked at the camera defiantly, doesn’t feel like she needs to take shelter.

When observing the state of our nation today, I see the dichotomy between the vehement and vitriolic divide between the right and the left and the desire for harmony and peace. This migration from clean, minimalist, sleek lines in fashion towards round, insulated, and puffed-up fabrics could be just as much pomp as protection.

When seeking coaching, clients are often looking for guidance and confidence. Individuals who have survived trauma often experience a diminished sense of self-efficacy and require assistance with developing self-confidence skills. There is a fine line between puffing up too much, appearing inauthentic, and overconfident, and remaining ineffective due to fear of failure and lack of belief in our ability to make change.

In the days of yore, affirmations were all the rage. The idea was that if you kept telling yourself that you were an amazing person, you would eventually believe it. You might have even put sticky notes all over your house reminding yourself that "You're a winner!" However, over time, we have learned that our brains are smarter than that. Instead of starting with unrealistic affirmations, we need to start with approximations of the truth.

For example, if you want to start liking yourself more, you should focus on something you can possibly believe and build from there. For example, rather than saying "I’m a total badass, and chicks dig me," which might be difficult to believe right now, you could say something like "I’m a pretty good cook, and the guys in the mailroom like me." When you’re feeling down, you can remind yourself of this and use it to boost your self-confidence. From there, you can work your way up.

Another effective way to build self-confidence is through skill-building. Developing skills such as planning, preparation, time-management, learning, and research can act as solid protection against negative self-talk. As coaches, we often highlight our clients' strengths and encourage them to rely on their resources. This optimistic approach and focus on their skills and abilities can also serve as a model for them to adopt. Hopefully, our clients will approach their next challenge with an improved mindset and a fuller toolbox.

While I don't charge extra for fashion advice, I would discourage the boots.

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