Remember Your 'Why Not': Harnessing Pain to Break Negative Patterns

I'm guessing that many of you have found yourselves pushing away from the dinner table, your pants nearly splitting, and declaring, "I'm never eating again!" No matter how painfully full we’ve been, we always return to food. Aversion doesn’t always breed avoidance. However, in many cases negative experiences, particularly repetitive ones, can shape our behavior.

In the earlier part of the 20th century, the understanding of behavior being influenced by conditioning was both new and captivating. Studies during that time not only supported the theory but also revealed our limited knowledge regarding the long-term effects of trauma. Consider the infamous case of B.F. Skinner conditioning a phobia of rats in Little Albert- yikes.

As reductionist as behaviorism may be, we cannot ignore its fundamental principles. In many situations, our actions are driven by pleasure and pain. More than pleasure, pain and fear hold great power over us. Biologically, we are predisposed to be more attuned to the negative.

However, as we all know, painful experiences alone are rarely enough to overcome addiction. Just ask the person hooked on heroin, sitting in the scorching sun at my highway exit, pleading for anything I can spare. Unfortunately, in the case of substance dependence, associated pain doesn’t result in recovery.

Furthermore, associating pain is not the sole determining factor. As I've mentioned before, mental imagery is more potent than mere verbal thoughts. We need to vividly imagine ourselves in a state of misery, stewing in the boiling regret of our poor choices. I may be exaggerating, but at the very least, we should envision a scenario where making that choice leads to significant discomfort.

Our social media feeds are filled with messages encouraging us to remember our "Why." This is indeed a valuable message, as envisioning the person we aspire to be, living a healthy and fulfilled life, serves as a vital motivator.

However, sometimes it can be equally, if not more effective, to contemplate our "Why not." Before placing ourselves in situations that will challenge our resolve, we should visualize how we will look and feel in that place where we constantly feel stuck. The pain of our present predicament can be a powerful deterrent, surpassing the desire for long-term outcomes.

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