Holiday Depression: Why It's Okay to Not Feel Festive (And How to Cope)

At a recent holiday gathering, I sat down with a friend who echoed the sentiments shared by many of my clients in recent weeks: "I feel like something is wrong with me. I just don’t feel the joy of the holidays." It struck me that, on top of her lack of holiday cheer, she was smearing on another layer of disappointment by judging her own experience.

Everywhere we turn, we're bombarded with exhortations that "IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR, DAMMIT." It's as though we face a daily onslaught of relentless positive holiday messages. No wonder it can sometimes feel like we're the only inhabitants of Halfhearted Island.

The holidays can dampen spirits for various reasons. You might experience loneliness or miss loved ones who are no longer with us. The pressure to buy gifts or participate in costly traditions can create stress due to financial strain. For introverts, the social demands of the season can be overwhelming.

Personally, unmet expectations play a significant role in why the holidays often leave me feeling disheartened. I struggle to accept that my teenagers have grown disinterested in most holiday activities. Check them out below at the live performance of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’s live action movie… performed by puppets. Yep, puppets.

If you look closely, you can see their souls oozing out of their ears.

My son is having LASIK surgery this week due to vigorous, unmitigated eye-rolling. The theater was a literal cacophony of toddlers screaming, weeping, and hacking. Most reasonable parents will sigh, “What were you thinking bringing teenaged boys to a puppet show?” I have no answer, other than, “My expectations often exceed reality.”

I’ve said it before, expectations are resentments waiting to happen. The best way to prevent injury by expectations is to take a hard look at reality. If you have $77 in your checking account and your child is asking for a newfangled gaming system that “All of his frieeennnddss have,” it might be time to prepare them for the important lesson called disappointment.

In much the same way, if you know hosting your entire family and extended family drives you absolutely bonkers, know thyself. It’s okay to cancel. When holiday traditions begin feeling like obligations, it’s fine to either revamp those traditions, or can them altogether.

Christmas is right around the corner and the post-holiday blues will no doubt set in. It’s the time when most Americans have a few bleak, cold months of winter to lick their holiday financial wounds. Be kind to yourselves. Not every version of reality dictated by capitalism has to be your own. Sometimes, you might feel sad when the media insists you should be joyful.

Many of us learn early on that it's not acceptable to feel uncomfortable. It's tough to sit with unpleasant emotions, especially when we're pressured to feel joy. Offering yourself a simple, comforting affirmation can make a world of difference: "It's okay to not feel joy. I'm okay." Remember, spring is just around the corner. And if you feel down in spring, that's okay too.

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